Lessons from the screaming child on the plane

Updated: Dec 22, 2019

It’s not so much how the mother of the young child who won’t stop screaming on the airplane in the row across from me right now is reacting, that's interesting to me. I’m more fascinated with the woman sitting to the left of the young screaming boy, as I noticed at takeoff she was trying to rest. Or the family behind him, whispering about headphones, becoming more and more unsettled.

The act of crying, itself, is an initiation of release; We have emotions so astringent as humans, sometimes so powerful they cant be tamed, lessoned, or controlled. Other’s emotions can be guided, soothed, and directed occasionally, but you can’t change someone else’s pain, or perspective, because you want to. I’ve tried and i’m here report back, 10/10 times change is initiated from within. So when a child says to the world, “I am unsafe, so I am screaming," It means... listen. When the child continues to scream, and scream, and scream, the child says, “I am uncomfortable and I don’t know what’s going on and it hurts or feels scary.”

Children don't know how to express themselves verbally in that way, they don’t have the skillset or diction to formulate higher cognitive process ideas, ESPECIALLY when they're under pressure or high stress. So they act from a primordial, primal place within, to get their needs met. And yet, adults rarely even know how to express themselves in times of distress. There’s no course in elementary school called, “foundations of meditation and relaxation", or “how to handle crisis”. Adults freeze, fight, or flight (run), and with some mindfulness practice, we can help one another not operate from a state of emergency. I heard once that stress, is an ignorant state, it thinks everything is an emergency. I find this to be so true, especially living on island time in Hawai'i.

What’s potent to note, is that a child does not waver from its expression of emotion; Whether it be the flood gates of anger, the tantrums of betrayal, happiness, ecstatic joy, energy, or tears that children emote, they don’t hold back. You get it all. Raw, unfiltered, untainted, exactly like it is, so you can feel what they feel. Babies are like New Yorkers in that way, I suppose.

Truly, we're all so intimately connected, we don’t exist without the inter-depence on one another, and we are one living race that needs to stand together, more than ever, to survive, and evolve. Earth is the ultimate Mother. Just as Mother Teresa once said, “Give until it hurts, and give more.” Give forgiveness to yourself, and to them all, for all time, for they know not what they do. 

Give patience.

To your growth.

To the mother with the crying child.

To the one in a position you wouldn’t want to be in.

To all.

So, back to the passengers around me and the mother with the screaming child across from me. I have learned, at this point as a professional who works with children, when it is proper to intervene and try and offer support and assistance, and when not to. In this case, I know not to. I know better than to try and impose my opinions or help, as I trust my intution the first time it tells me to let something be, and to take it in as a lesson. So I observe, and when the child’s threshold of screaming becomes too much and I feel like I may scream myself, or burst out of my skin, or want to, I write. Or walk up the aisle, and breathe. I stretch, I reset. The mother on the other hand, is traveling alone, and doesn’t get that luxury.

Thank you to the mothers and fathers who selflessly strive to not shut the children up, or the inner child within us all, but rather seek unwaivingly to make children feel supported, and comfortable, and safe. The girl sitting next to the screaming child directly to his left, huffed and puffed for a while, when the child was using all of the volume he could muster up to scream. 

I watched as she tugged at her hair a bit, flipped her book pages more intensely. Here, I felt okay to offer assitance, so I offer my headphones to her, visibily noting the yelling is hurting her ears. But the child stopped eventually, and she sighed, and sank back into her chair with relief, and back in to her book. Because, it’s really uncomfortable for us as humans, to sit with someone else’s suffering. It’s so dang hard to feel that that baby’s ears hurt, or to feel that tired mom not knowing how to calm him. It’s an act of self awareness and pure love to NOT  fix the problems. No one wants to be that person who listens just to respond, or listens just to be the helper or fixer. Just, be.  It would be more condusive, to a healing society, if we could just sit with eachother’s sorrow, joy, whatever it may be, with the experience, with the emotion, without trying to relate, respond, or change it.

The power in saying to someone, I know it hurts so much, and i’m so sorry, and just sitting there and crying with them, holding them even just metaphorically in a safe container, is unmatched. This is what all humans need to develop to have healthy attachment and the ability to let go; A safe container to explore heart and mind. Someone to trust. Humanity is confusing, and if there is one thing I will remember about being a child besides joy, it's utter confusion. I didn’t understand what was going on, EVER! I can remember that. I couldn’t read words on signs as a young child before I learned to read, but I knew the message on the sign was saying something. What a mysterious existence, we come into!  I’ve always been intensely curious, and my mum tells me to this day I asked her endless questions as a young child that she sometimes didn’t have the answers to. I pondered God, and existence, and what my parents did or didn’t know, how well they could keep me safe, how we are alive, what’s really going on here on Earth, etc. I wanted to know all of it, and I couldn’t focus or accept half explained answers to the questions about the nature of reality. This took time, and patience, to develop, my own personal lens on reality. 

So I write this in hopes that if you’re a young girl, or woman, or anyone, really, trying to find their way, or make sense of the world in this maze of life, that you find comfort and solace in the philosophies that resonate and make sense with YOUR own personal being. That you know, you are not alone. If you’re reading this, you’re loved. So, so loved. You! You are an incredible, capable being, who can do anything, anything, anything. There are so many ancient cultures, so many ways to approach and understand and make sense of the world, but one must look with eyes closed, and a heart wide open, to find this treasure within.

I’m currently going to the Big Apple for Christmas, and on New Years Eve I set off on another solo travel spirit quest journey, my annual coming home to myself. I'll be focusing this blog on my personal travels, travel tips, destinations, how-to's, and a ton of other great information and freebies for you to access, so check back daily!

My life is a continuous stream of miracles, and I create them with ease. I declare my magic is potent, and directs me in the direction of my heart’s true desires.

I’ve known for so, so long that I wanted to start my blog, and it will be a travel blog, mixed with writings coming straight from my heart. I resisted starting so many times, out of perfectionism, or the idea that it seemed so daunting to have to go back and relive the past. Like it’s necessary to go back and rehash every single thing you’ve experienced to be heard, or something. That’s a fallacy, I understand that now. Healing works quantumly, not linearly, but more on that later.

It feels like a giant weight i’ve been carrying around, the pressure of the world held up like Atlas, that my first and every blog post have to be perfect in every way. Well this one came when I was least expecting it, on a plane in the sky, and the weight has finally been lifted. I can be free, to just be me, and share what comes through.

I have a lot of ideas planned that I want to share, and I will be focusing on where I am going, the best advice and ways to visit if YOU are interested in visiting them, travel plans and hacks, information about how to travel the world and make friends across the world’s wide web, and how to use social media and online platforms to grow your brand, business, or just your mind and consciousness. I will focus on tips to make life fun, and beautiful, and check in with myself and my audience about how authentically and happily we are really living, not pretending to live. How are we feeling when we lay our head down on our pillow at night? Are we fufilled, knowing we took steps to create and maintain the life of our dreams? If not, it’s more than okay, let’s just take one step together, to walk in that direction tomorrow. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and I ADORE Roma, so please, trust me, good things come with time, heart, and detemination.

Thank you for being here, for being you, for showing up, and for reading what I have to say. I look forward to tuning in again soon.

With the warmest aloha, wishing you a lovely weekend, 

Samantha xx


“I am here to remind you of the preciousness in the art of being human, birthing beauty from the soul.” -Samantha Cianci